This week I’m coming at you from puppy land in this very personal solo episode.

I happen to be releasing this potcast on the day that I’m leaving doggy boot camp and flying back to California. I’m in a newish relationship and was asked by my boyfriend to stay at his place and watch his dogs while he went away for three weeks to the EU and UK for a work contract.

At the time of this potcast recording, I’m 16 days into this pet sitting gig that I call doggy boot camp. I myself haven’t been a dog owner in over twelve years - and the dogs I had were pugs - bred to be professional snugglers. My boyfriend’s dogs, on the other hand, are more akin to loaded weapons. They’re trained for personal protection or to sniff out firearms, explosives, drugs - they’re working dogs in the truest sense. And one of them happened to be pregnant. So I was tasked with keeping the mama-to-be safe, fed, and comfortable until her daddy got home.

Tosca, a Belgian Malinois, wasn’t calculated to give birth while I was on dog duty. But, a few days before Memorial Day, I could tell by Tosca’s mannerisms that I was about to have a whole mess of puppies on my hands. And I’d never delivered puppies. Growing up on the ranch, I was raised taking care of farm animals. And I’ve helped birth calves and piglets - but never puppies. So I began working on my YouTube degree in every aspect of delivering puppies and with the help of my sister Crystal, we got a birthing room put together just in the nick of time.

During this process I’ve been reminded of the miracles of nature and to trust the natural order of things. Let me tell you, when you’re casually baked sitting on a dog mat next to a whelping pool twitterpated by the squeaking sounds of newborn puppies blindly feeling and suckling their way into the world, it really puts things into perspective. So, today, I’m paying it forward. If you find yourself bogged down in the hustle and striving and sense that you’re neglecting your connections with the humans, plants, and animals in your life, this potcast is for you.

But first, I want to give a Texas-sized thank you to @SirKraid for taking a minute out of your work day to rate and review the potcast on Apple Podcasts. That one small action had such a huge impact. Not only did it make my Friday, but it also will continue to help others find this highly responsible cannabis content. How sweet is that? 

Meet the Pack

My guy and I come from very different personal and professional worlds. The fact that I work in cannabis and he’s ex-federal police who now trains dogs and their handlers  makes us an odd match. But we’re both curious, ask smart questions, and are willing to hear and appreciate each other’s perspective - and to me, that makes all of the difference.

I think as a test, he asked me what it would cost for me to fly in to watch his three dogs for three weeks. Driving down the highway, we settled on a price, airfare and transportation and I said yes without giving it much thought. I figured the best way to learn if this whole dating a dog trainer business was for me was to take a walk in his shoes.

As a Type A high-achiever, if I have all of the information and a plan, I’m confident in my ability to get shit done. So I first asked for a list of dog commands - because George, Tom, and Tosca speak Dutch, not English. I also wanted a written food schedule and an outline of the dogs daily routines. And because Tosca was pregnant, I thought it would be important to have some sort of shopping list and birthing plan. I got about 2% of the information I asked for.

I was thrown in the deep end with only 3 rules which reminded me of the 1984 Steven Spielberg classic Gremlins.

1. George and Tosca are pals. They go out together.

2. George and Tom are not pals. Under no circumstances should they be out of their kennels at the same time. They’ll try to kill each other, he said.

3. And, lastly. Tom is a loaded gun. Don’t where sunglasses around him. He needs to be able to see your eyes. And try to feed him by hand to build trust.

I often find myself in situations where I’m asked to perform at a high level on the fly with little direction. And growing up a country girl, I tend to operate well under pressure and take care of business. I knew in this case - ignorance was bliss. My lack of knowledge about all of the things that could possibly go wrong made me naively unafraid. 

At first, things were going fantastic. I bonded with all three of the dogs and fed Tom by hand at every meal. Our little pack was copacetic, and I was confident in the rhythm we’d found. But at 5:10am on the 7th day, the wheels fell off.

I’d let George and Tosca out into the backyard to take care of business and went back inside to get a cup of coffee. From the kitchen I heard a sudden shrieking sound followed by high pitched howls. It was still dark outside but as I looked through the window I saw what looked to be George’s neck in Tosca’s mouth. I’m not sure who was more shocked, me or George.

I took off running outside commanding Tosca to let George go - which as you can imagine did absolutely no good. I can count on two hands the number of words I know in Dutch and none of them were helpful. So I just got in there and grabbed Tosca by the scruff of her neck. She stopped thrashing George but wouldn’t let go. I had her. She had George. We were at a standstill.

I looked down to notice that I’d received a puncture wound in my right calf in the process. With blood rushing down my leg and George softly crying, I realized I was so far outside of my comfort zone and I wasn’t going to get any less injured trying to break up this dog fight.

I’ve seen people kick and smash dogs to break up a fight - but Tosca was very fucking pregnant with high dollar puppies in her belly and I’m a lover not a fighter. So I apologized to George and I let go of Tosca. Sure enough, the fight was back on.

I backed away so I could call my guy for guidance. He was 7-hours ahead and didn’t answer my call. So I quickly texted the facts. Tosca is attacking George and won’t let go. Please help me. My phone immediately rang and I was instructed to go inside, find a leash and get it around Tosca’s neck. Really? That’s all? Lasso an angry pregnant woman? Sureeeee. No problem. 

I ran inside, found a leash, and after a couple of failed attempts I was able to get the leash over Tosca’s head and into her mouth - like a bit on a horse. I pulled back on the leash and that pressure in Tosca’s mouth got her to release George. I led her into one of the outdoor pens and I ran over to check on George.

Which leads me to the first life lesson I was reminded of during doggy boot camp.

It’s important to look at our wounds and those of others - really examining the ugly, gruesome parts that are tough to see and uncomfortable to feel is imperative to get the healing process underway. No matter if those wounds are of the flesh or of the mental or emotional variety. They need our continued attention. After examining George’s wounds I was able to turn my attention to mine. I basically had a dime-sized hole in my calf and sent Crystal a text message at 6:45a that I needed her and was headed over. Neither of us do well with blood and guts but every day we’re pulling off the bandaid, addressing the wound, and celebrating the healing process.

And, as an aside, we used 100% natural remedies and I’ve healed so fast! Peroxide and ozonated water to clean the wound, colloidal silver spray to disinfect it, followed by medical grade Manuka honey to fill the hole and a honey-based second skin on top and then covered with a bandage. Orally, I doubled up on my CBD and CBG for pain and inflammation relief.

As it turned out, Tosca’s attacking George was only a few days before she went into labor. Based on what I know about men, I’m pretty sure George had gone sniffing or licking where he wasn’t invited and Tosca’s pregnant mama hormones were raging and she dropped the hammer.

Another important lesson I learned from Tosca was about the birthing process itself. Whether you’re giving birth to an idea, a business, an actual living being, or a relationship - the process is going to be messy. The day Tosca had her puppies, I’d reached out to my local lifeline, an Austin PD K9 cop. I talked to him about my observations and sent him video. He agreed that puppies were coming soon. He predicted in the next 24-48 hours. So I introduced her to the birthing room and she immediately got into her whelping pool. I shut the door and left her to get acquainted with the space for a couple of hours while I drove over to Crystal’s for an infrared sauna sesh, followed by a dip in the pool and a shower before driving back to check on the mama-to-be. I unlocked the front door and was startled to hear high pitch squeaking sounds. When I opened the door to the birthing room, it looked like a crime scene. The room smelled of the blood I could see painted on the floor and splattered on three of the four walls. Everything in me wanted to panic but I focused in on Tosca who seemed perfectly calm cleaning four tiny pups. I relocated her and the babies into the whelping pool, and then called Crystal and told her to head on over to assist me in whatever happened next. The birth of four more pups followed. Tosca didn’t need a lot of assistance. Her mama instincts were dialed to an eleven and we had a front row seat for one of nature’s miracles. It’s so important not to get bogged down in how something looks or feels in the beginning. The birthing process is awkward and painful but maintaining focus on the end result keeps us from getting sidetracked with fear and worry. Stay positive, aware, and keep your eyes on the prize, my friend!

The next lesson I’ve been reminded of during this process is one of growth. Pup #7 was the runt. I could tell immediately upon cleaning her up that she was different from the rest. Not only was she smaller, but she was physically weak and didn’t have the suckling thing down. And she had no desire to fight her way to a feeding position.

Early in life we’re taught about Darwinism, the evolutionary idea of survival of the fittest. But since it’s 2022 and Tosca was under my care and not out in the wild giving birth to these pups, I was able to give special attention and puppy formula to #7. In the greater scheme of things, I recognized the importance of giving attention to those weaknesses or areas of our lives where we have room to grow and improve. We’re not all born with equal abilities. Nature sometimes deals a rough hand. But we do all have the equal ability to not give up - on ourselves, on the things we believe in, or in this case, the runt of the litter.

My guy warned me to not get attached - that things happen and that perhaps all of the puppies might not live through the first night. Though I appreciated his manly practicality, my positive intentions and growth mindset wasn’t entertaining that idea. And I’m proud to say there are still eight healthy squirmy puppies and #7 is now throwing’ elbows and making rooming for herself at the dinner table.

Speaking of, watching eight puppies vying for ideal teet position taught me another valuable lesson. Get in there and get yours! Life isn’t going to hand you what you need. Nobody for that matter is obligated to hand it to you. You must be your fiercest advocate. And in those instances when you do need a hand, be bold enough to ask for help. Crystal helped me and together we’re helping  Tosca. And of course sweet #7 who I’m convinced is going to grow up to be an amazing dog. All that said, when you can lend a hand do so. Because you never know when its your time to need some assistance. And I promise you’re going to get back what you give.

Tosca also reminded me of the importance of nesting - of needing order and knowing you have a safe place to land during a difficult process. As I transition to move again - less than a year from my move to the farm from Oakland - one of the things that’s concerned me the most is not knowing exactly where I’m going to land and where I’ll put my things. There’s not a place to call my own waiting for me at the ranch to fill up with my things. There are furnished rooms and spaces I’m welcome to occupy temporarily which is great and I’m thankful. But there’s an underlying uneasiness in that scenario for me. I see the same uneasiness in Tosca when her space starts getting dirty and the linens in her bed need to be changed or when she’s anxious from lying hours on end being a milk machine. When I added Tosca’s favorite ball and a bone into the mix, I watched her channel that energy into a familiar activity that brought her relief. Don’t underestimate the importance of having those things around you that bring you peace, calm, and confidence to be your best self and do great work.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve hated getting dirty. And this doggy boot camp has reminded me just how messy life can be. I started out hand-feeding one of the three dogs. But after George’s injuries, and Tosca’s puppy delivery, I’m now hand feeding the pack. My hands - that I hate to be dirty - are now covered in slime no less than eight times a day. I’ve learned that there’s a time to get in there and get dirty just as there’s a time to hit pause, clean your shit, and get your house in order. I’ve had no choice but to let go of my OCD-ness about being clean to take good care of these dogs. And there’s an odd freedom in wearing play clothes, getting filthy, and not worrying about appearances. 

Now, do I want to quit my life as a potcaster and become a doggy doula full time? Fuuuuuck no. But I feel very blessed to have ushered life into this world and have the opportunity to shower it with love and watch it grow hour to hour, day by day.

Witnessing the natural order of things is something to marvel and not rush through.

These dogs and puppies showed me that work can wait; that the deadlines and obligations really can be pushed to the back burner with little consequence. And that showing up for life and caring for living things is ultimately what matters most.

And in the process, I have a wonderful man wrapped around my little finger appreciating the shit outta me for loving and caring for his 4-legged babies. So doggy boot camp has been a success all the way around. 😘

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